TEEN VOGUE -- june/july2009. editor: Eva Chen.
From kissing to "sexting", today's hook-up culture is changing how teens think about relationships.
What is hooking up? "Making out," says fourteen-year-old Ella. "it can mean anything from kissing at the movies to oral sex to going all the way," says Priya, a nineteen-year-old college sophomore. "Having sex," says Nikki,* eighteen. "Kissing and maybe further--but no sex--with someone, and no more than a few times," says Lisa, seventeen. "People do it every weekend."
All teens, it seems, have a different definition. Although for most, what hooking up doesn't mean is dating. Friends with benefits, perhaps--but romance and serious relationship? Many young women are saying thanks but no thanks. "It's a generational thing," Lisa says. "everyone wants to be single--people go to prom with their friends--and hooking up is part of lifestyle." (wewww :D)
Television shows like "Gossip Girl" depict that lifestyle at an extreme. While some viewers yearn to copy Blair's designer frocks or Serena's perfectly mussed hair, others admire the characters' sexual confidence. While experts point out that movies and TV don't exactly instruct teenagers to go out and hook up, they do set norms. "You watch one of these shows and it appears that this is what the cool people are doing," says Michael Rich, M.D., director of the Center on Media and Child Health at Children's Hospital Boston.
If it's just television show, what's the big deal? PLENTY. A recent study by nonprofit research group the Rand Corporation found that teens who watch a lot of sexual content on TV are twice likely to become pregnant within three years thank kids who rarely watch such shows. The study's findings point to one problem with pop-culture representations of sexuality: For all the skin being bared, the practical aspects of sex are usually kept under wraps. "They don't show anyone in the drugstore buying protection," Priya says.
And the show's sexually brazen characters may make girls feel insecure about their lack of experience. As a result, some teens feel like they have something to prove. "One girl I know was really into flashing guys on video chat," Ella recalls. "She wanted boys to say, 'She's cool.'" Sending such pictures by text message--or "sexting," as it's called--is a newer ritual. About 20 percent of teenagers have tried it, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. "One girl at my school sent a topless picture of herself to a guy she liked, and it got all over the internet. She became infamous," Nikki says. "She wasn't even embarassed. She felt important: Everyone knew who she was and was talking about her."
What may seem like a moment of daring can have lasting consequences. "The Internet and cell phones have an illusion of anonymity and privacy," Rich says. "But how will a naked picture on the Web look when you apply to college?" Across the country, teenage "sexters" are making headlines after their intended recipients, prompting police investigations. Legally speaking, if you send or receive a nude image of a minor, you can be charged with distributing child pornography. "There's a perceived safety online, but you have no idea whose hands the photo might end up in: his friends', your parents', the police's," says Carol Weston, author of Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You (HarperCollins). You could break up, and that image will still be out there."
The reality is, says Weston, not everyone is doing it. Fewer than half of all high school students have had sex, according to the 2007 national Youth Risk Behaviour Survey. A previous study from the U.S Department of Health and HUman Services found that just 30 percent of fifteen-to seventeen-year-old girls had ever had sex. Ultimately, notes Nikki, technology has changed the way teens approach relationships. "We can communicate with one another more quickly, and it's more impersonal which contributes to the idea of relationships starting quickly and easily," she says. "But that doesn't mean they can't become romantic over time." She pauses, considering.
"The moment you become a couple isn't when you first hook up--it's when you change your relationship status on Facebook." --SUZANNE D'AMATO
>>>"BY THE NUMBERS"...
More than 2000 teens voted in TEENVOGUE.COM's first-ever "HOOKING UP" POLL.
*60% would have or have had a secret boyfriend.
^55% don't think that oral sex counts as "real" sex.
*23% don't use protection when having sex, and 39% are not worried abour getting an STI!
^74% believe that it's okay to hook up with more than one guy at a time.
Sedikit dari saya:
Jujur setelah membaca artikel ini saya hanya bisa berkata, "Wewww.."
Kenapa begitu? Karna saya gak menyangka (dan gak tau tau amat) kalau di United States sendiri pun isu-isu seperti ini masih dipermasalahkan. Ya kita bisa lihat dari tv shows produk Amrik seperti; Gossip Girl, 90210, The Hills, Sex n The City, dll, dst--bahwa sex sudah bukan hal yang tabu buat mereka. Selain itu, di majalah-majalah 'infotainment' & internet pun--artis-artis ABG sana sibuk menunjukan kemesraan mereka bersama pasangannya. Dan saya pikir itu tidak menjadi masalah seperti yang sering terjadi di Indonesia (kalau artis-artis 'ngapain' dikit, pasti jadi ribut seantero nusantara).
Tapi, ternyata ... ... ... seperti yang sudah kita baca di atas, bahwa "modern romance" yang disebabkan oleh "pop culture"--mulai menggeser nilai-nilai dan pemikiran remaja-remaja disana tentang 'suatu hubungan'/relationships dan lifestyle secara general! Memang, televisi tidak secara langsung mengajarkan remaja untuk seks bebas, hook-up, one night stand or whatever--tapi mereka secara tidak langsung sudah membentuk norma-norma dalam masyarakat. Anak remaja menganggap apa yang ada di televisi adalah keren. Apa yang disajikan oleh tv shows adalah suatu gaya hidup. Dan untuk remaja yang masih 'insecure' dengan dirinya cenderung mengikuti lifestyle yang terlihat di tv, majalah dan internet--agar merasa di terima di antara teman-teman sepergaulan, agar menonjol di masyarakat.
Disini, bukannya saya sama sekali tidak menyukai tv shows seperti Gossip Girl, 90210 dll. Bukan. Justru bisa dibilang saya ini anak MTV banget. Saya pengoleksi dvd Gossip Girl tiap season dan hobi nonton dvd series secara marathon sampai pagi! Saya juga suka baca majalah gossip, nonton infotainment sore-sore. Pokoknya saya adalah pencinta dan penikmat pop-culture. Tapi, meski saya modern girl in modern world, saya tetap old-school traditional dan conventional. hehehe ^^
Dan, dari yang saya perhatikan setelah menonton... for example: GOSSIP GIRL--karena ini yang paling favorit ^^ serial itu sangat bagus kok. Memang serial tersebut menggambarkan kehidupan remaja-remaja sosialita di US especially di Manhattan. Kehidupan mereka glamour, sekolah aja PP(pulang pergi) naik Limo, pergaulannya juga ok. Bajunya??? OK BANGET! Cewe-cewenya cantik-cantik dan terawat. Yang cowo? Udah ganteng, tajir, pinter pula. Hidup gak pernah susah dengan uang seperti yang mereka punyai (karena duit gak akan abis2 12 turunan), pacar bisa gonta ganti--dengan yang bagus-bagus lagi--kaya ganti2 asesori.
Kalau membayangkan apa yang saya sebut di atas emang nih serial kaya yang gak make sense, gak manusiawi, gak realistis! Tapi ya, kalau kita melihat lebih dalam jalan cerita dan bisa mengambil inti dari kehidupan yang mereka jalani, serial ini cukup manusiawi. Dari serial ini kita dapat belajar arti kekeluargaan, persahabatan, passion, dan cinta yang sebenarnya. Bahwa di balik kegilaan dunia ini, yang mengagung-agungkan harta, kecantikan, status sosial--ada yang lebih manusia butuhkan yaitu; cinta, keluarga dan sahabat.
Saya disini bukan mau promosi serial Gossip Girl. Tapi itulah hal-hal baik yang saya ambil dari serial tersebut. Saya mendukung "pop-culture" tapi satu sisi juga sangat selektif dengan budaya ini. Kita tidak bisa tetap menjadi orang kuno dan gak mau melihat apa yang 'in'-'nge-hit'-'happening'
From kissing to "sexting", today's hook-up culture is changing how teens think about relationships.
What is hooking up? "Making out," says fourteen-year-old Ella. "it can mean anything from kissing at the movies to oral sex to going all the way," says Priya, a nineteen-year-old college sophomore. "Having sex," says Nikki,* eighteen. "Kissing and maybe further--but no sex--with someone, and no more than a few times," says Lisa, seventeen. "People do it every weekend."
All teens, it seems, have a different definition. Although for most, what hooking up doesn't mean is dating. Friends with benefits, perhaps--but romance and serious relationship? Many young women are saying thanks but no thanks. "It's a generational thing," Lisa says. "everyone wants to be single--people go to prom with their friends--and hooking up is part of lifestyle." (wewww :D)
Television shows like "Gossip Girl" depict that lifestyle at an extreme. While some viewers yearn to copy Blair's designer frocks or Serena's perfectly mussed hair, others admire the characters' sexual confidence. While experts point out that movies and TV don't exactly instruct teenagers to go out and hook up, they do set norms. "You watch one of these shows and it appears that this is what the cool people are doing," says Michael Rich, M.D., director of the Center on Media and Child Health at Children's Hospital Boston.
If it's just television show, what's the big deal? PLENTY. A recent study by nonprofit research group the Rand Corporation found that teens who watch a lot of sexual content on TV are twice likely to become pregnant within three years thank kids who rarely watch such shows. The study's findings point to one problem with pop-culture representations of sexuality: For all the skin being bared, the practical aspects of sex are usually kept under wraps. "They don't show anyone in the drugstore buying protection," Priya says.
And the show's sexually brazen characters may make girls feel insecure about their lack of experience. As a result, some teens feel like they have something to prove. "One girl I know was really into flashing guys on video chat," Ella recalls. "She wanted boys to say, 'She's cool.'" Sending such pictures by text message--or "sexting," as it's called--is a newer ritual. About 20 percent of teenagers have tried it, according to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. "One girl at my school sent a topless picture of herself to a guy she liked, and it got all over the internet. She became infamous," Nikki says. "She wasn't even embarassed. She felt important: Everyone knew who she was and was talking about her."
What may seem like a moment of daring can have lasting consequences. "The Internet and cell phones have an illusion of anonymity and privacy," Rich says. "But how will a naked picture on the Web look when you apply to college?" Across the country, teenage "sexters" are making headlines after their intended recipients, prompting police investigations. Legally speaking, if you send or receive a nude image of a minor, you can be charged with distributing child pornography. "There's a perceived safety online, but you have no idea whose hands the photo might end up in: his friends', your parents', the police's," says Carol Weston, author of Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You (HarperCollins). You could break up, and that image will still be out there."
The reality is, says Weston, not everyone is doing it. Fewer than half of all high school students have had sex, according to the 2007 national Youth Risk Behaviour Survey. A previous study from the U.S Department of Health and HUman Services found that just 30 percent of fifteen-to seventeen-year-old girls had ever had sex. Ultimately, notes Nikki, technology has changed the way teens approach relationships. "We can communicate with one another more quickly, and it's more impersonal which contributes to the idea of relationships starting quickly and easily," she says. "But that doesn't mean they can't become romantic over time." She pauses, considering.
"The moment you become a couple isn't when you first hook up--it's when you change your relationship status on Facebook." --SUZANNE D'AMATO
>>>"BY THE NUMBERS"...
More than 2000 teens voted in TEENVOGUE.COM's first-ever "HOOKING UP" POLL.
*60% would have or have had a secret boyfriend.
^55% don't think that oral sex counts as "real" sex.
*23% don't use protection when having sex, and 39% are not worried abour getting an STI!
^74% believe that it's okay to hook up with more than one guy at a time.
Sedikit dari saya:
Jujur setelah membaca artikel ini saya hanya bisa berkata, "Wewww.."
Kenapa begitu? Karna saya gak menyangka (dan gak tau tau amat) kalau di United States sendiri pun isu-isu seperti ini masih dipermasalahkan. Ya kita bisa lihat dari tv shows produk Amrik seperti; Gossip Girl, 90210, The Hills, Sex n The City, dll, dst--bahwa sex sudah bukan hal yang tabu buat mereka. Selain itu, di majalah-majalah 'infotainment' & internet pun--artis-artis ABG sana sibuk menunjukan kemesraan mereka bersama pasangannya. Dan saya pikir itu tidak menjadi masalah seperti yang sering terjadi di Indonesia (kalau artis-artis 'ngapain' dikit, pasti jadi ribut seantero nusantara).
Tapi, ternyata ... ... ... seperti yang sudah kita baca di atas, bahwa "modern romance" yang disebabkan oleh "pop culture"--mulai menggeser nilai-nilai dan pemikiran remaja-remaja disana tentang 'suatu hubungan'/relationships dan lifestyle secara general! Memang, televisi tidak secara langsung mengajarkan remaja untuk seks bebas, hook-up, one night stand or whatever--tapi mereka secara tidak langsung sudah membentuk norma-norma dalam masyarakat. Anak remaja menganggap apa yang ada di televisi adalah keren. Apa yang disajikan oleh tv shows adalah suatu gaya hidup. Dan untuk remaja yang masih 'insecure' dengan dirinya cenderung mengikuti lifestyle yang terlihat di tv, majalah dan internet--agar merasa di terima di antara teman-teman sepergaulan, agar menonjol di masyarakat.
Disini, bukannya saya sama sekali tidak menyukai tv shows seperti Gossip Girl, 90210 dll. Bukan. Justru bisa dibilang saya ini anak MTV banget. Saya pengoleksi dvd Gossip Girl tiap season dan hobi nonton dvd series secara marathon sampai pagi! Saya juga suka baca majalah gossip, nonton infotainment sore-sore. Pokoknya saya adalah pencinta dan penikmat pop-culture. Tapi, meski saya modern girl in modern world, saya tetap old-school traditional dan conventional. hehehe ^^
Dan, dari yang saya perhatikan setelah menonton... for example: GOSSIP GIRL--karena ini yang paling favorit ^^ serial itu sangat bagus kok. Memang serial tersebut menggambarkan kehidupan remaja-remaja sosialita di US especially di Manhattan. Kehidupan mereka glamour, sekolah aja PP(pulang pergi) naik Limo, pergaulannya juga ok. Bajunya??? OK BANGET! Cewe-cewenya cantik-cantik dan terawat. Yang cowo? Udah ganteng, tajir, pinter pula. Hidup gak pernah susah dengan uang seperti yang mereka punyai (karena duit gak akan abis2 12 turunan), pacar bisa gonta ganti--dengan yang bagus-bagus lagi--kaya ganti2 asesori.
Kalau membayangkan apa yang saya sebut di atas emang nih serial kaya yang gak make sense, gak manusiawi, gak realistis! Tapi ya, kalau kita melihat lebih dalam jalan cerita dan bisa mengambil inti dari kehidupan yang mereka jalani, serial ini cukup manusiawi. Dari serial ini kita dapat belajar arti kekeluargaan, persahabatan, passion, dan cinta yang sebenarnya. Bahwa di balik kegilaan dunia ini, yang mengagung-agungkan harta, kecantikan, status sosial--ada yang lebih manusia butuhkan yaitu; cinta, keluarga dan sahabat.
Saya disini bukan mau promosi serial Gossip Girl. Tapi itulah hal-hal baik yang saya ambil dari serial tersebut. Saya mendukung "pop-culture" tapi satu sisi juga sangat selektif dengan budaya ini. Kita tidak bisa tetap menjadi orang kuno dan gak mau melihat apa yang 'in'-'nge-hit'-'happening'
Yang saya maksud dengan pondasi yang kuat adalah... iman. Iman artinya percaya. Percaya itu buat saya ada 2: percaya pada Tuhan dan percaya pada diri sendiri.
Percaya pada Tuhan--itu urusan masing-masing dan saya tidak mau ikut campur. Tapi percaya pada diri sendiri? Itu sangat kita butuhkan dalam mengahadapi dunia gila dan semakin gila ini. Seperti yang disebutkan artikel di atas bahwa kebanyakan remaja sekarang merasa 'insecure'-tidak aman--yang berarti tidak percaya diri, sehingga mereka dengan mudah mengikuti pergaulan yang tidak terarah (saya tidak mau menggunakan "pergaulan yang salah" karena "yang salah" itu relatif), menelan mentah-mentah apa yang disajikan di televisi dan media lainnya. Memang TIDAK SEMUA REMAJA, tapi kebanyakan. Tapi jangan sampe deh yang "tidak semua remaja" itu menjadi yang "kebanyakan." Duhh rusak dong anak bangsa. Jadi rusak deh negara... Kasihan planet bumi.
Hmm... saya jadi agak bingung mau nulis apa. HAHAHAHA.. Maaf ya teman-teman kalo saya agak random (memang otak saya cenderung acak-acakan semenjak kecil) XD
Oh ok. Jadi, yang mau saya katakan adalah... yuk mariii "beriman pada diri sendiri"(loh?) hahaha... Tapi memang iya, karena ini adalah yang terpenting. Kita harus terus menerus "meng-amankan" diri kita, agar menjadi benar-benar secure (karena saya juga merasa masih sangat kurang secure terkadang dan masih gak ada apa2nya--tapi ya lumayanlah... HAHAHA), perkuat 'tameng' diri. Dan buat saya, iman yang membuat kita tetap on the track. Hehehe ^^
Meskipun di televisi banyak sajian yang 'enggak-enggak', mau ada gaya pacaran jungkir balik cium-cium sana sini kaya gimana pun, kalo kita punya arah tujuan dan garis hidup yang oke dan believe in ourself, pasti kita bisa bertahan kok. Itu yang saya percaya. Insyaallah... Amin Ya Robbal Allamin...
Orang tua MEMANG sangat sangat berperan (i mean pendidikan dari rumah). Tapi ketika keluar dan lepas dari orang tua--ngekost, kuliah, pacaran, kerja, berkeluarga, dll-- kita akan berpijak pada kaki sendiri. Dan kita mau gak mau suka gak suka harus face the reality bahwa dunia ini gila. Semua yang baik dan buruk bercampur disajikan di depan mata. Tapi yang saya percaya, bahwa Tuhan memberikan akal & hati kepada kita agar kita bisa berpikir dan memilah-milah mana yang baik dan buruk. Jadi gunakanlah otakmu dan hatimu secara seimbang dan tidak berlebihan sehingga musyawarahnya mencapai mufakat. ^^
Janganlah mengikuti suatu gaya hidup kalau gaya hidup tersebut gak kompatibel dengan diri kita. Jadilah diri sendiri. Kita kan cuma manusia biasa. Setiap manusia mempunyai latar belakang yang berbeda-beda, masa' gaya hidupnya harus sama semua???!!! Susah kan? Set standar hidup kita, bentuk gaya hidup kita, tiap pribadi punya prioritas jadi fokus saja dengan prioritas itu. Ok ok? Lagipula Tuhan menciptakan manusia berbeda-beda memang agar dunia ini berwarna, bukan? Oleh karena itu jangan kita seragamkan warnanyaaa... HOHOHOHO...
Akhir kata, saya mohooon maaf kalo apa yang saya tulis--mungkin kesannya sotoy. Saya juga bukan manusia yang okee banget kok, pernah gagal (sering malah), kadang gak PD (gak sering sih cuma kadang, hehe), dan manusia biasa aja. Ordinary & Imperfect. Apa yang saya tulis diatas hanyalah berdasarkan pengalaman, apa yang saya lihat dan yang saya renungkan selama saya hidup sampai 22 tahun ini. Dan saya sangat ingin berbagi dengan teman-teman semua. Hanya itu. Kalo ada pemikiran-pemikiran dan kritik yang membangun saya sangat terima kokss! Saya suka sharing hal-hal yang bermanfaat. Hehehehe... Makasih banyak loh... Ciao! ^^
*kisssses,
Gadis Pasar Yang Artistik.
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